I have been completely obsessed with my weight since 2009. Actually, this is not true my worrying and insecurity about my weight started long ago. I have forever struggled with my weight since as long as I can remember. Regardless of being an athletic, active person (and what I thought semi-healthy food wise). So, to put it more clearly my dieting obsession didn't really rev up until 2009. I was 26 with two little, beautiful daughters... who had done a number on my body. Okay, they didn't :) but my ignorance of how to take care of my body while I grew a child was severely lacking. I developed preeclampsia with my first baby and that was it, I was fat. I lost 20 of the 60 or so pounds I put on and this remained true until the summer of 2009. At that time I found the holy grail of weight loss: HCG.
Some of you who just read that sentence may be rolling your eyes right now. I was completely under the spell of low.low.low calorie dieting and I wrote about it, condoned it and passed it on to others. Oh, how I reveled in my rapid weight loss to pre-pre baby weight and better! I thought this was it! Finally! Well, I am sure you can guess how the story goes....
I lost a ton of weight then got pregnant again.
Had a beautiful baby boy at home (another post subject).
Lost the weight again with HCG after only 3 months postpartum.
Fought really, really hard to keep it off for a year...... then it started piling back on.
The health problems started accumulating:
depression, joint/back pain, no sex drive, poor skin/nails/hair,
of course weight gain, extremely tired all the time, cold, uncontrollable cravings!
Oh how lovely, right?! :) I had been starving myself for so long the toll was quite evident. I would beat myself up constantly over food. Punish myself with little to no food for days if I had a moment of insatiable binge eating. I was in a constant fight with myself and my body that was trying desperately to tell me to stop the madness. Telling me that it was starving. Telling me to feed it! I constantly ignored and hated my body.
Now with all that said, I want to take a moment to say I am not sorry at all about this segment of my health (diet) story. I met some of my most cherished friends during that part of my journey. These women inspired, supported and loved me, as I hope I returned to them. I don't even know most of them in real life, but we were there for each other and still are today. We all have our paths to choose and we supported each other wholeheartedly! So in the following posts I hope you will never read me condemning one way of living over another. I want to merely share my journey as I continue to alter and tweak as need be, never afraid to admit detours, dead ends, back tracks or even that I may be lost from time to time.
Now, to continue I am to the point I don't even really care about my weight. I care about how I feel. I care if I am taking steps towards health. I care if the day passed and I felt good about my habits and how I took care of myself. I am determined to gain my health back and I am most certain a healthy weight will follow, but for the first time in a long time that is secondary.
Weight gain is not always a sign of a person not working hard enough and eating too much, but it is a sign that something else is happening in the body. I searched help from a far too intensive and stressful situation, but one that I will be forever appreciative last March. I had extensive blood tests before protocol and then tested my blood sugar levels three or more times a day, took my temperatures, tested ketosis and ate only specific foods at very specific times for three weeks. It was evident that my body was in overdrive due to my strenuous dieting. My pancreas was pumping out copious amounts of insulin keeping my blood sugar levels really low constantly. Not a good sign and one destined for diabetes if sustained. My Vitamin D levels were extremely low. (The importance of Vitamin D will be discussed later on.) My thyroid/adrenal function was severely impaired, and on and on... My extreme dieting had put undue stress on everything. My incredible willpower no longer was able to override the desperate state of my body, not unless I could become full blown anorexic.
This was not an option and so started a year of eating. I didn't care anymore. Well, let's say I did care because I continued to obsess over the weight I was putting on, but I ate unwisely anyway. I didn't know then that this was a way for me to "boost" my metabolism. The food I was eating was giving me a short term stream of nitro (calories), rebuilding a limping metabolism. However, if I continued eating the way I was it would just lead to further weight gain and overall diminished health.
I am here now ready to take control and feed my body and mind what it needs to be truly healthy not just skinny. With education and care about food, this transition is yes, overwhelming but very encouraging.
My story is not unusual. In a country obsessed with weight, health and real nourishment can take a backseat. I am ready to turn that around for me and my family. Here we go!